conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
Archive for December, 2006
December 28, 2006 at 1:54 am · Filed under daily grind
I’ve been home for a few days now, and I don’t feel at home. Because of certain disagreements that will never be resolved between my parents and me, I don’t feel very comfortable being around them. I don’t want them to bring up topics that I don’t want to discuss because we fundamentally disagree, and no matter what I say, they will tell me that I’m wrong. What’s the point of having that conversation?
I feel like I’m always on edge because even when we’re just hanging out, having dinner, or when I’m on my computer, and my dad’s on his … any moment, he could start “discussing” things with me again. And I say “discussing” because that’s what they say, but really it’s let’s-talk-about-this-until-shan-changes-her-mind-to-our-way-of-thinking.
This really sucks. I’ve always been happy that I am close to my parents, that they are understanding and supportive not unreasonable. Now I just want to get out of the house. I think this is the first time I’ve been home that I haven’t been happy to be here.
December 25, 2006 at 8:32 pm · Filed under random
Most years, I’ll send out a box or two of cards to friends and family around the middle of December, and when I buy them, I always make sure to get ones that say “happy holidays!” instead of “merry christmas”.
It’s weird because I inevitably always use “Christmas” when I talk about winter break, as in “Hey, when are you leaving for Christmas break?” or “Are you going home for Christmas this year?” So why the insistence on the holiday cards? The funnier thing is that I’ll still say “oh, I haven’t mailed out my Christmas cards this year.”
It seems a bit silly that after all of that, I still insist that the actual cards themselves are non-denominational because really, I don’t actually celebrate Christmas.
December 22, 2006 at 1:28 am · Filed under daily grind
Recently, I managed to pick up the elusive skill of driving stick shift. Cruising around town, I’m generally okay, but I do get quite nervous when I’m perched on an uphill with cars stopped behind me. I am deathly afraid of rolling backwards into the car behind me before I can engage and go forward.
Yesterday, driving on Brookline by Fenway, the traffic was terrible. I sat through 3 green-yellow-red transitions before I made it through the light at Kenmore. The part of Brookline that goes over I-93 is quite an incline, I found. So this was a bit problematic, made worse by the girl behind me in a Toyota Camry who became known as the “close driver”.
I felt like it was right out of a Seinfeld episode. I’d see brake lights on the car in front of me, prompting me to step on my brakes, and I would look up into the rearview mirror, and inevitably, I would see the girl behind me inch up all the way on my bumper, leaving me with MAYBE 6 inches of space. The brake lights in front of me would go off, I’d put the car into first with my foot still on the brake pedal … and then it’s a moment of panic as I try to see if the gas pedal can pick up the car before it rolls backwards into the close driver. Rinse. Repeat. 3 times before I finally made it through the light.
Now that I drive stick, I’m going to be really conscientious of how much space I leave behind the car in front of me at traffic lights, especially traffic lights perched on an incline. That would suck to have a manual car in front of me roll back into my front bumper.
December 19, 2006 at 3:06 pm · Filed under people
I saw this book in an airport newstand, and it caught my eye because there was a picture of Michael Moore on the cover. I thought, YES, finally, somebody who doesn’t worship the ground that Michael Moore walks on, and I bought the book hoping to pass some time while waiting for my plane. It turns out that Michael Moore is #1 on the list (the book counts down from 100, Rich & Kathy Hilton, with 10 extras added in to the paperback edition), but his name is accompanied by no commentary, which was very disappointing. I want to know why this guy put Michael Moore as the #1 person screwing up America.
So I started reading the book, and the author first categorizes the people who are screwing up this country (from the feminists, to the white-collar thugs, to rappers who sing about beating up their wives). I agree with the ridiculous things he points out, but I disagree with the nature in which he presents them. It reminded me all over again of when I was in San Diego, listening to some talk about teaching evolution versus intelligent design in American high schools. I felt like the exact problems the author of the book was points out with Michael Moore is what’s also wrong with the author himself (arrogant, thinks he’s better than everybody else).
I suppose there’s no way around that. You write a book titled “100 people screwing up America”, you’re inevitably writing a book about how you think you’re better than those 100 people. Radical ideas by radical people who use too many exclamation points and rhetorical questions in regular prose is what sells books. Expert witnesses who not only presents the evidence needed by counsel, but who can also do it in a way that is degrading and belittling to the other side is what convinces jury members and what wins court cases …
I just wonder why we can’t present our ideas in a selling way without being condescending to the other side, and without giving the impression that we think we are better than other people (especially if their views are different from ours). Is there an inherent conflict in wanting to convince without belittling? I’d like to think not. Ideally, your good ideas, if you present them well, should sell themselves. You needn’t inflict snide, rhetorical, sarcastic comments on the audience about your opponents in order to win them over to your side of the argument.
December 12, 2006 at 2:45 pm · Filed under life thoughts
How flexible are our opinions on issues? My feeling is that as long as I am educated on an issue, know the in’s and out’s, my opinion is fairly difficult to change on a short time-scale (several months, definitely less than 2 years). However, when I feel uninformed about a topic, I tend not to have any opinions either way, and wait to become informed before I make a decision.
So I ask this in light of several sessions I attended today regarding influencing public policy as scientists, and specifically convincing our Congressmen/women to vote in favor of not cutting NIH funding. As someone who doesn’t even feel comfortable talking about an issue about on which I am uninformed, I cannot possibly imagine the position of being a Congresswomen having to vote on issues that have nothing to do with me directly, but which I must carry an opinion in order to vote and affect the overall course of life in these United States.
Thus, the job of being a Congressional staff member seems incredibly hard. Congressmen/women rely on these folks to inform them to the point that they feel comfortable voting in Congress for/against bills. But do they ever feel entirely comfortable voting in those situations?
We were told today that our letters and phone calls to these folks’ offices can influence their opinions and their ultimate courses of voting. But in the end, do these Congressmen vote because their constituents convinced them one way or another? Or because they already had personal opinions on these topics? When we vote these people into Congress, do we vote for them based on how likely we think we can influence their opinions during their tenure? Or do we vote for them based on our personal confidence in their integrity and the likelihood of their views aligning with our own?
December 10, 2006 at 6:51 pm · Filed under people
I’m out in San Diego, at a conference I somehow convinced my adviser to let me go to even though I am not presenting nor displaying a poster, and I’m thinking that I should be more friendly.
I got up this morning for an 8am session, and on my way downstairs, I shared the elevator with a very nice-looking girl who was obviously also attending the conference (name badge, thick program book). We rode the entire way down in complete silence when it would have been so easy for me to have said “Going to the first session of the day?” and perhaps had made a friend. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to her; I was just too shy/scared/awkward. We walked out the elevator one after the other, and I purposefully slowed down my pace so that I could stagger myself with her and not have to awkwardly walk side-by-side and STILL not say anything.
Just now, I rode UP the elevator with a bunch of people (also with the tell-tale name badge), and one actually got off at my floor. We stepped out of the elevator one after the other, and at the T in the hallway, we both turned down the same way … leaving us, you guessed, walking awkwardly side-by-side in silence. He broke the silence, “Are you brain dead yet?” and I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to start the conversation to end the awkwardness.
In general, I think that I should just be more extroverted and have a phrase or two up my sleeve to pull out in those awkwardly walking silently side-by-side situations. Who knows? I may even make a friend or two. And it’s not that I don’t WANT to talk to people … it’s just so hard to break the ice and say that one something to a complete stranger. Even if s/he has a bright friendly smile and looks as if s/he would welcome the conversation.
December 6, 2006 at 10:26 pm · Filed under grad life/MIT
We had another big meeting today. A guy I normally say hi to and am very friendly to when I see him was there presenting a proposal. I totally went bitch on him and basically told him that I disagreed completely with his proposal. That in and of itself isn’t such a big deal because we all have different opinions than our friends … but every time he’s brought up wanting the proposal to go forward in passing when we see each other around school, I’ve just shrugged it off, laughed.
I bet he didn’t expect me to come out and oppose him at this meeting. Now I feel like an ass. I honestly just didn’t really think that much. When he’s mentioned stuff before, I didn’t shrug it off or laugh because I agreed with him. I usually just did it because I didn’t care that much. But today at the meeting, I was particularly caring about this issue. Bleh.
December 4, 2006 at 6:45 pm · Filed under life thoughts
Watch enough Chinese movies and inevitably somebody says that they have a 苦命, literally “bitter life”. It just means that their life seems harder than most; things don’t really work out the way they’re meant to, and they don’t get lucky breaks, or the lucky breaks are actually disasters further down the road. Yesterday I wondered if I’m on my path to a “bitter life.”
How melodramatic, right? Thinking that maybe I’m just not destined to have things work out. I’m losing quite a bit of motivation, about school and about relationships. I don’t want to talk to people again; small talk grates on my nerves and makes me tired. I feel like I need to do something different, do something differently … but not sure if I have the courage to do it.
I kinda want to take off a year and just do something random (Go live in China? do something Peace Corps-esque in Africa? Live at home with mom & dad and intern/volunteer as a wedding planner?). I feel like I need a break from my current life, and a couple of weeks of vacation isn’t enough to rejuvenate me.
