conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
Archive for September, 2006
September 29, 2006 at 9:02 pm · Filed under daily grind
Someone seated next to me today asked me “Hey Shan, how’s everything?” I replied, “not so good.” He didn’t say anything further and went back to doing whatever it was that he was doing.
A few seconds go by, he asked, “Wait, what’s that you said?”
I changed my mind and replied, “Oh, just that things are fine.” He said, “Oh cool” and went back to his thing.
He made up his mind what I was going to say before he even asked me “how are you?” that he didn’t bother listening to my answer. Only when it didn’t quite sound like “okay” did he do a double take and wonder to himself, “wait, what did she say?” Once I gave him the answer that he was expecting, he nodded his head as if all the pieces had indeed fallen in place and went about his own business.
Why do we bother asking someone “how are you?” when we don’t really expect them to tell us how they REALLY are? Even when I’m feeling crappy, I always answer “pretty good, how are you?” when someone asks me how I’m doing. I do it out of habit; it’s an automatic response that I don’t even think about. What a worthless phrase. “How are you?”
Do you REALLY want to know?
September 28, 2006 at 1:31 am · Filed under random
In my latest attempts to procrastinate instead of writing my proposal, I’ve rekindled my interest for photography. This time around, I’m acquainting myself with the fabulous world of wedding photography. The more wedding photographers’ webpages I visit, the more portfolios I see, the more I wonder why 99% of the sample porfolio pictures showcase caucasian couples. I’ve seen a couple of Asians here and there (always Asian girl marrying white guy), but I don’t think I’ve seen a single picture of a black person/couple. We know that’s not because black people don’t get married. So where are their pictures?
Why are black couples not shown in these sample portfolios (or any other race for that matter)? Do wedding photographers generally cater to a specific target audience that is primarily white? If I were black and looking for a photographer for my wedding, I would think I’d be at least a little miffed by the lack of samples showing people of my race getting married. Maybe black people tend not to hire photographers for their weddings? That seems strange to me, too, because I would think everybody would want pictures of their wedding. Or maybe I really am completely ignorant and just making blanket general statements that may or may not make any sense and could potentially be offensive to some sector of the population.
So what gives?
Maybe there are photographers who cater almost exclusively to blacks, and I just haven’t found their websites, yet. Like my high school friend who never failed to remind me that she needs “black-people-shampoo,” maybe there are “black-people-wedding-photographers,” too.
September 26, 2006 at 11:12 pm · Filed under grad life/MIT
Overheard at central campus location, while waiting for the traffic light to turn:
girl #1: man, I got stuck with all the grad students in that class
girl #2: why’s that bad? are all the grad students really smart?
girl #3: well, actually, my advisor said that grad students really aren’t that smart
girl #2: yeah! i really do think undergrads are smarter. there are some really dumb grad students
hmm …
I think grad school dumbified me. I was smarter and more motivated before I got here.
September 25, 2006 at 11:07 pm · Filed under the internet
I’ve noticed more and more that people communicate with the message feature in facebook/friendster/myspace instead of email. Whatever happened to email? I personally think it’s more accessible. I don’t want to have to log in to some third-party service to see a message from someone. Am I already getting old and behind the times? I feel like I’m entrenched in my emails and unwilling to accept new technology.
Though honestly, how are facebook messages better than email? I may not see messages people send me via facebook/friendster/myspace for days, whereas email is delivered straight to my inbox. Instant gratification. Maybe the problem is that I just don’t sign into those things often enough. In that sense, I guess I am getting old that I don’t see the appeal of myspace to log in every five minutes and read my messages.
September 24, 2006 at 6:18 pm · Filed under grad life/MIT
I seem to have a knack for getting into messes. Socially, I’m in messes with friends, relationships, friendships vs. relationships, etc. etc. Academically, I’m in a mess with needing to hand in a draft of my proposal to my advisor by this coming weekend (and I have 1 paragraph of the 20-page document written). Extracurricularly, I’m getting caught up in unnecessary politics, and I always hate politics. I thought settling for VP instead of going for the presidency would help me to avoid the bureaucracy, but boy was I naive.
Less than a month more of this, and I’ll be on a plane to China with nothing to think about except seeing my family, having a good time, taking lots of pictures, and maybe getting a new hairdo.
September 20, 2006 at 8:24 pm · Filed under friends
Cathal says that I’m the ruler, and he’s the rock. Go figure :)
September 20, 2006 at 12:21 am · Filed under music
I never find out about music on my own; I rely on my more musically savvy friends to keep me posted. They usually don’t disappoint. I just got an email from a friend announcing that two bands are coming to town: Death Cab for Cutie and Ani Difranco. My first choice would be to go see Death Cab for Cutie, but sadly (or not so sadly), I will still be in China when they come through on Nov 2. That leaves Ani Difranco …
Was I ever a fan of Ani Difranco? I don’t think I ever truly followed her, as much as I touted the angry white female sound of Alanis Morissette. I also didn’t know Ani Difranco was still out on the circuit. It must have been early high school years when she was hot on the scene. Ani, Alanis, Sarah MacLachlin … they were all around the same time of mid-90s, where they not? Though Sarah’s not angry, I sorta lump all three of them into the same era with similar fan bases.
Anyways, I can’t decide … Ani Difranco … to see or not to see?
September 18, 2006 at 12:33 am · Filed under grad life/MIT
My patience is extremely thin. I screened two phone calls today because I did not want to deal with talking to those people. I called my parents and was on the verge of snapping at my mom because she wanted to nag me by telling me what I should pack for my China trip (which btw is not until Oct 19). I asked her why we have to talk about the ratio of short-sleeved to long-sleeved shirts I should pack NOW, a month before the actual trip?? Why can we not talk about this three weeks from now?
I also got very frustrated with another phone call after my parents, this time with a good friend. My very-far-from-being-complete thesis proposal (heck, it is hardly even started) is not something I want to talk about right now. I know he meant so well, but the more we talked (he talked), the more frustrated I got because I just really wanted to hang up the phone and actually go work on my proposal instead of talking about it.
Panic is definitely setting in. I was driving around earlier today wondering why I can’t feel a sense of urgency unless I am a day before the deadline. I wondered what the threshold advance-notice was for me to start panicking about something. A test, a paper due, I feel no sense of urgency until the night before, and I was starting to be afraid that I would also not feel the urgency of this thesis proposal until the night before, at which point, it is already too late because there is no way I can write this thing in a day.
But I needn’t have worried. Panic is setting in right now.
**ADD**: I found this little segment from an article in Psychology Today, thanks to keltheyounger’s link:
“There are many depressogenic factors operating in our culture. Information overload is one. Since 1945 we have accumulated at least as much information as we had throughout history until then. The more information there is, the more we end up essentially skimming the surface. This leads to a style of thinking in which we see only the big picture and miss the depth of detail. As a result, when we are faced with difficult problems, we do not recognize the many small steps that solutions typically require; things feel overwhelming and insurmountable, leading us to give up before we even start. “
Wow, that last sentence just about sums up how I feel right now. I want to quit before I even get started because I am so intimidated by this daunting task of writing a proposal. The article the above paragraph came from is called “The Art of Avoiding Depression.” Let’s hope that I don’t get depressed over this whole thing.
September 17, 2006 at 8:07 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
At a party last night was the first time I had seen some friends in maybe a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in a mood to put up a lot of the usual bullshit I do when I’m around them. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy spending time with everyone, but honestly when you haven’t seen someone in a couple of weeks, the first things you ask are small-talk type of questions: how is everything? how’s work? what’ve you been up to? And I think I just wasn’t in the right mood for that kind of banter.
The only conversation I had that even began to break the surface, I had to end, because I had to go find someone whom I had invited out to the party. That made me sad, because I think I actually enjoyed that conversation. It was probably my favorite part of the night. Everything else was just everybody standing around drinking and throwing jibes at each other. I’m not usually quick-witted enough to contribute anything; last night was particularly bad. I wanted to just crawl into a hole and go to sleep.
Beyond the bantering, I think I’ve also just reached the limit of shit that I can put up with. That limit is definitely different for different people with whom I interact, but certain people just really have a knack for pissing me off. If I liken my temper to a teapot of water, I feel like it’s been gradually steaming up for the past week or so, and it was pretty much on the brim of boiling Saturday night, and one thing led to another led to steam shooting out of the teapot. Change the characters/personas around me last night, and the water may have never boiled.
September 16, 2006 at 2:02 pm · Filed under going out
I’m sitting at home, extremely bored (for once!), and I’m staring at my bike. I just realized that I was gonna go on a team ride with the MIT cycling club this morning. Except that ride started at 9am, and I didn’t remember the ride until just now. Probably when I went to sleep last night, the whole concept of riding a bike at 9am was lost on me. My brain blocked out the thought and thus I never set an alarm to wake up in time.
Any jazz fans? I went to this ridiculous show last night at a local jazz club played by John Pizzarelli. What a phenomenal entertainer, comedian, musician, vocalist! It was also at one of those places where the venue is rather lounge-like, and the audience is seated at cocktail tables. I felt like the audience in the Jerry Seinfeld sketches that play at the beginning and end of Seinfeld episodes. Aside from a couple of teenage kids there with their parents, we were definitely the youngest people at the club, perhaps by decade(s).
As for the parties this weekend … I think I settled on which one I want to go to tonight. I skipped out on all of them last night, opting for some chill jazz instead. I’ve just felt really mellow lately with no desire to get dressed, to go out, to go partying, though a friend did manage to twist my arm enough to convince me to go to Middlesex with him Thursday night. I wasn’t too keen on going because I was feeling pretty comfortable at home, but he offered to pick me up and drive there, which immediately lowered the energy barrier for going out. I actually had a fantastic blast after I got there. The great thing about Middlesex is that you always run into people you know.
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