conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
Archive for June, 2006
June 30, 2006 at 3:18 pm · Filed under random
Dear Bren,
Can I be your friend? I like to smile a lot, though not that often at strangers because I feel a little strange doing so, but I will start now. I wish that I had come across one of your paintings around Boston, though when I really think about it, I’m not sure what I would do. I would want to take it to brighten up my place, but I would want to leave it for the next person to have as well, and then maybe I would just take the heart of the message with me.
Bren, I like your characters. They are so adorable, and they make me want to jump up with joy and clap my hands together like a little girl who just got her favorite flavor of cotton candy. I regret not having gotten something of yours a few months ago; I saw your paintings on display at S&P, and I remember feeling so warm and fuzzy and delighted inside. My friend “commissioned” you for a painting after the Beacon Hill Art Walk; he wanted a cute little red devil on a blue background. Do you remember? I wish that I had gone that day, too, so that I could have met you in person.
You are so cool, Bren. I can’t come up with a better word to describe you, partially because I am overcome with child-like giddyness thinking about all the greens and blues and reds on your canvases, and especially those big innocent, mis-matching, circle eyes on your characters. Besides, Bren Bataclan is admittedly one of the coolest names ever.
Will you be my friend, Bren Bataclan?
Sincerely,
shan
June 28, 2006 at 11:03 pm · Filed under people
Strange that before yesterday, I don’t remember ever having had anything offensive shouted at me. While out riding with a couple of friends yesterday late afternoon, an on-coming car’s driver yelled out very loudly “f*@# you” as he drove by. Was it because we were bikers? Or because we were Asian? Or maybe we just looked funny?
Crossing Mass Ave today, a guy who could have easily been a student was sitting in a bus stand talking on his cell phone. Then he suddenly screams very loudly, “F&*k you, you m*therf&*king n*gger”. I did a double-take, looked around instinctively scanning for anyone black, and the only people I saw were several others looking around just as I was doing. The guy went on talking on his cell phone in a normal voice, inaudible from 20 feet away, as if I had just dreamt up the whole episode. The rest of us went about our merry ways.
This made me think of all of those “racial incidents” at UVA, where people would report to the Dean’s office obscenities shouted at them from passing cars, claiming them to be racially charged. The FBI got involved with one or two of them, only to conclude that there was no evidence that the incidents were race-related, and thus they cannot be classified as hate crimes.
My personal feeling is that the FBI got involved because of the pressure Virginia administration felt from student activist groups proclaiming UVA to be a tense and hostile environment for minority students. The groups advocate that a general lack of diversity awareness in the student body, and a lack of concern for diversity by the administration, leads to these unfortunate “racial incidents.” I tend to disagree, and in general I find it a tad sad (sad-pathetic, not sad-melancholy) that the federal government had to get involved with some silly anarchist graffiti.
An incident like the cell phone guy at 77 Mass Ave today would have for sure made front-page headlines at the Cav Daily: “Unidentified Man’s Racial Slurs Intensifies an Already Tense University Environment”. Here, today, it just garnered a few stares.
So where do we draw the line between stupid, hurtful pranks and legitimate racial hate-crimes? My thoughts are that UVA is not much different from other college campuses in the “racial environment” that exists. It’s just that wahoos are now SO incredibly sensitive to every remotely-racially-involved comment made that almost everything gets interpreted as a “racial incident.” In fact, I think that the whole diversity awareness thing may even have gone a bit overboard. The “hostile” racial environment is an artificial one sustained by over-sensitivity and over-application of political correctness. Anthills are being hailed as the Rocky Mountains. Personal assaults and attacks are hate-crimes sure (and there were a couple of these), but silly anarchist graffiti? Some f-bombs shouted out from car windows? These are racial incidents? REALLY??
But maybe people like me are the problem. We are not sensitive enough, and together we make up the hostile racial environment that make minority students uncomfortable. But ought we be THAT sensitive? What is the right approach here?
I biked away yesterday not feeling particularly different about anything (except maybe a desire to react more quickly next time and give the guy the finger before he’s able to drive away). I sure as hell wasn’t offended yesterday, but should I have been? I walked away today from the cell phone guy confused as to what I actually witnessed, with more of a “WTF???” reaction than a “oh my god, I just witnessed a hate-crime, should I say something” reaction. I didn’t say anything to anyone, but should I have?
June 26, 2006 at 11:13 pm · Filed under life thoughts, pictures
Before I go on, and before I forget, here are some pictures from the fateful HST formal, which in retrospect may not have been all that fateful. I posted these a while ago, but I don’t think I ever made a mention here.
Okay, and now for the movie-script life.
You know the feeling you get when things around you seem so surreal that you stop and ask yourself “wait, am I sure I’m not living in a movie?” That’s how I have felt this whole past week (and maybe longer than that even), and it’s not even a good movie. It is a sad movie with sad (sad-melancholy, not sad-pathetic) characters with tragic lives.
I was recounting to a dear dear friend today about the conversations that I have had recently, the events that have unfolded, the people around me, the drama … and unprompted, she said, “wow, I feel like I’m reading a movie script.” Which was exactly how I felt, and her saying that just made me even more aware of how ridiculously unbelievable everything has been. But what do you do? Life is life is life is life.
Remember those Carrie-Bradshaw voiceovers that always summed up SATC episodes? That’s how my thoughts run these days (case-in-point: “do we ever truly find that person? And how often do we simply stop at ‘good enough’?” … add some Carrie wit, and it’ll fit right in).
Anyways, in other news (and not much happier), I sprained my ankle playing ultimate today. Worst part was, I didn’t even end up saving the disc I jumped for. At least an injury incurred while making a save is a glorified injury. Now I’m just a sucker who didn’t know any better. The happy news is that I love my summer ultimate team. I’m so glad I joined and stuck with it, despite feeling so incredibly nervous when I showed up to my first game because I knew that I wouldn’t know a single person in the league.
June 25, 2006 at 5:34 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
June 25, 2006 at 4:08 am · Filed under dating/relationships
I think my heart is pretty hard to win over (but once it has been won over, the guy has it pretty golden because I don’t go away no matter how many dirty socks he stuffs in my face). Before it has been won over though, I am quite responsive to romance (not to say I wouldn’t be responsive to romance after being won over … but I digress).
As tough/independent/fierce as I appear sometimes, I am completely at peace with the the fact that I am a fairly typical pretty-in-pink girl, because after all, I’m just a girl. I like my flowers, fancy dinners, carefully orchestrated intricate evening outings, the typical sweep-me-off-my-feet puhzazz. In other words, I am a romantic at heart, and I like the boys who romance me.
But romance is not love. And what a funny day it was for both. I heard four, count them, FOUR, accounts of people mulling over in their minds the difference between “loving” and “being in love” with someone, and the difference between romantic love versus platonic love.
What is the difference? I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my friend(s). But when am I really “in love”? How would we know we were in love if we don’t even know what it is? How much does a romantic connection (both emotional-romantic and the princess-romance) factor into our defining the boundary between “love” and “in love”?
It is sad in a way to think that my love can be bought with flowers and chocolates and diamond rings (not really, but come on, it does play a role - 10% maybe). It makes me feel like love can be superficial, though my hope is that true love transcends the material possessions to the emotional possessions of the heart. But when does loving someone stop at a deep care, and when does it reach the 100-point hammer drop of being head-over-heels IN LOVE?
And do we ever truly find that person? And how often do we simply stop at “good enough”?
June 22, 2006 at 9:40 pm · Filed under life thoughts
I’m not one to get overly excited about things and lose sight of reality, but every once in a while, I do psyche myself out. My most recent foray into the land of high expectations left me … disappointed. *insert annoying, melodramatic, fishing-for-sympathy phrase here*
I drafted an email last night that I wanted to send, but it got late, and I didn’t have it worded entirely the way I wanted it, so I left it as a draft. This morning, most of the things I wrote last night became rather obsolete, which certainly gives credence to the trite saying of “sleep on it”, but to my credit, the situation changed somewhat this morning, so my change of sentiment over a night’s sleep was not entirely due to my fickle emotions.
My general unreadiness to deal with unmet high expectations exhibits itself through deep anger, inexplicable in source even to me. All I am able to feel is an overwhelming sense of unfairness and an unreasonable desire to bring justice to the world, to the situation, to anything that would lessen the embarrassment for having dreamt big and subsequently having failed miserably. I have always been this way, and no matter how logical I try to be, shattered expectations leave me devastated and leave those around me puzzled, annoyed, even angry at my stubborn unwillingness to drop things and JUST MOVE ON.
Being unable to control my emotions after-the-fact, I started not having expectations in the first place so that I can never really be disappointed, thereby avoiding the downward spiral of increasing anger. As such, it is very easy to tell the second I start placing wholehearted trust in a person: I start upping my expectations of him/her. No pressure.
This time around, this past week or so, I was more hurt than angry at my expectations not having been met. Part of me wishes that I had been bitter enough last night to have just sent that email, to get all those unsaid words off of my chest. But I didn’t, and sending the email now would just sound whiny and unstable.
So here’s to the next opportunity for choosing the right words at the right time. It would be better said in person than in an email anyway.
June 21, 2006 at 11:45 pm · Filed under daily grind
When I was little, my dad used to always say to me, “Even if you don’t say anything, nobody would take you to be a mute.” Take-away message? Keep your mouth shut. I need to take my dad’s advice a bit more solemnly, especially since my impulsive response in a conversation is to quantify what someone else has said, or to correct it.
Today, a guy came to look at the Gary Fisher Wahoo bike I finally put up on craigslist after buying a green, mint-conditioned0 2005 Marlin myself for a spectacular price off of craigslist. (sidenote: The guy came to look at the bike with a girl, who was the one actually shopping for a bike. Have you noticed that girls buying things on craigslist inevitably brings a guy to look at the merchandise with her? I know I did when I bought my Marlin and snowboard.)
Anyway, my craiglist ad said that the bike is a 2001 or a 2002 model, but that I wasn’t sure which year exactly. This became a point of contention.
It started because of some off-handed remark the guy made to the girl about how Gary Fisher bikes have this special Genesis geometry with a slightly longer top tube, so he wanted to make sure that her arms are stretched out the right distance when sitting on the bike. Having done some research myself in the past weeks about Gary Fisher geometries, I wanted to add my knowledge of bikes.
So without thinking, I said, “Oh actually, this bike doesn’t have the Genesis geometry. I think it is a model or two before genesis was introduced.”
I think this comment really pissed the guy off. First off, I was questioning his “authority” in front of his lady friend who obviously thought him expert enough to bring along to help her shop for a bike. Secondly, I didn’t even give concrete information.
“What year did you say this bike was again?” he asked.
“Either 2001 or 2002, I am not sure which,” I answered, quoting my ad. Sensing doubt on his part, and because I was curious myself, I asked “So when did the genesis geometry come out?”
Wrong question to ask.
The guy very quickly quibbed, mistrust glaring, head tilted back, in a haughty voice, “1998. This bike can’t possibly be a 2001 or 2002.” (The emphasis here is on the word “possibly”, complete with eyes rolled to the back of his head).
Essentially, he called me a liar who posted wrong information on craigslist. I felt insulted that he questioned my honesty, and I felt more insulted for being thought to be dishonest in the general community of craigslist. I get the feeling that craigslist has this aura of honor surrounding it, and I value that honor and integrity, and I definitely don’t want to be the story someone tells about the one time that craigslist screwed them over.
The worst part of it was that I couldn’t even respond to defend my personal integrity because I didn’t know what to say because I really didn’t know that much about geometries. The fact of the matter was that I was very positively sure that the bike was 2001 or 2002 from the paint job, but I was maybe 70% sure that the frame isn’t genesis geometry.
My first thought was “Shit, if genesis came out in 98, then this bike must be genesis, and now because I tried to appear not stupid, I have stuck my foot in my mouth and landed myself in a sticky situation where I look like a liar.” Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut and let him be the “authority”, smile&nod, and go along with his assertion that the bike is Genesis?
He ended up passing on the bike, citing some nonsensical excuse about how the bike is in poor condition, which is total bullshit. I think he passed on the bike because he thought I was a blatant liar and that the bike’s not worth half the amount I am asking because it’s much older than 2001 or 2002.
This really upset me as I pedaled away. I didn’t care so much that he didn’t want to buy my bike; I cared that he questioned my integrity. I was upset because I knew that he thought I was a sleazy seller and a liar, and there was nothing I could do to rectify that, and it was all because of my loud mouth trying to “show off” what little knowledge I pretend to have about mountain bike geometries. (another sidenote: notice how the girl played absolutely no role in this non-transaction despite being the one shopping for a bike?)
The first thing I did when I got home was to google google. It turns out that I was right on both the year and the geometry. My bike is a silver/green 2002 Gary Fisher Wahoo, but it does not have the Genesis geometry. It is a Classic Hardtail. The guy was right that genesis came out in the late 90s, but when it came out, it was considered “high-end” and was not offered on an entry-level bike such as the Wahoo. In fact, the Wahoo maintained a classic geometry until 2005. Last year’s model was the first model in which the Wahoo featured the signature Fisher Genesis geometry.
Well, now I know, for the next potential buyer. Also, I need to take my dad’s advice to heart because really if I just keep my mouth shut, nobody will think that I am a mute.
June 16, 2006 at 5:32 pm · Filed under random
Have you ever wondered why we clap to show content/appreciation? Is this a natural reaction or a conditioned reaction? Did I start clapping because I saw others around me clapping to express a certain sentiment, and in turn I came to associate the act of clapping with an emotion (conditioned response)? Or is the natural response to joy by any ape-like mammal a desire to make noise, and lacking sticks/stones/other objects that make noise, we resort to banging the palms of our hands together?
I have been to the ape exhibits at zoos, and those animals clap, and I would venture to guess that they did not learn to clap by watching humans on the other side of the glass clap out of joy. Or how about those monster.com ads with monkeys; those monkeys clap, though the “instinctive-ness” of the clapping by those trained monkeys is questionable at best.
When did we start clapping? And how? Ever wonder that?
June 14, 2006 at 2:18 pm · Filed under fitness
Summer time makes me want to try something new, and I want to take up mountain biking this summer, at least get through some beginner basics. As such, I am currently on the market for an entry-level mountain bike. I love my Wahoo which replaced my Tarpon, but the extra-small frame is simply too small. I went to Belmont Wheelworks yesterday and test-rode a 2006 Gary Fisher Wahoo (what can I say? I am a brand-loyalist, andwahoos have a particularly special sentiment in my heart - an intelligent fish that can drink twice its weight in liquid substances, usually water :).
Anyway, back to mountain bikes. I fell in love with that 2006 Gary Fisher Wahoo at Wheelworks, and it is definitely still within my price range. I am still scouring craigslist, and there are a couple of leads. I prefer to buy a couple of years used because $300-400 will buy me a better bike (either Marlin or dare I dream for a Tassajara?). If no good leads come through though, I have my eyes set on that Wheelworks Wahoo I saw with the Metallic Black paint job in Belmont.
After I get the bike will come the shopping for clipless pedals … and then we will be in business
June 13, 2006 at 10:06 am · Filed under daily grind, people
I am not a fan of small talk (is anyone?), but recently I thought that I was perhaps getting better at it. Really though, I now realize, I can only do small talk with someone somewhat around my age who is a student. Put me in a room with older folks, and I don’t even know what questions to ask. I hate the “so what do you do” question, so I try to avoid it, but in the end, I just make awkward situations because there is no other way to find out what someone does for a living. Honestly, when I do ask that question, it’s not even because I am trying to make conversation. I am actually curious what the other person does.
The problem is that I don’t know how to ask the question or how to have a conversation with someone older, working. I think I get intimidated as well because I feel like they are on a different level than I, and who am I to ask them what they do? I feel stupid talking to these people, and I feel like I am wasting their time. The conversations inevitably go something like this:
me: So, are you working? (**mistake #1: never ask yes/no questions)
other person: why yes, I am
me: Where do you work?
other person: lalalala (**some place I have never heard of)
*awkward silence*
Maybe this is the classic example of it being hard to connect with someone with whom I have no commonalities (is that a word?). It is much easier to talk to someone around my age, someone in school because that is what I do. I can relate to that and find common ground for interesting conversations.”So what school do you go to?” “What are you studying?” “Where are you from?” And all of these then lead into something else that may trigger conversation.
I think this is also a classic example of someone (read: me) who is extremely introverted who has managed to force herself to learn the “tricks-of-the-trade” to be “social” in small-talk situations, but only when those situations involve people in her age group. I think a natural extrovert would never really have trouble talking to anyone because they are not awkward. Thus, I am the one who makes situations awkward.
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