conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
Archive for October, 2004
October 27, 2004 at 8:12 pm · Filed under random
It’s a good week :) The downside of a good week is that I find it hard motivating myself to do work. I keep wanting to reward myself with breaks for every itty bitty piece of work I get done. It doesn’t help that the World Series is going on. Go Boston! It’s quick and easy to find one’s baseball loyalties in this city.
So birthday tomorrow … the 2-2. hopefully I’ll remember to bring my camera along and take pictures of everything. I’m sad that i can’t remember my friends’ birthdays, though. I have a couple of good friends from high school whom I haven’t talked to for a while, AND I didn’t call them for their birthdays. I had good intentions … like sending cookies or care packages or what not … and in the end, I didn’t do any of that, and I didn’t even call. I am a bad friend.
Oh yeah, and just what kind of a mascot are sox? Why isn’t there a team called the Red Pants or something? It’s kind of cute; kinda like … awww, the red sockies! But I doubt they’d appreciate that. Oh yeah, speaking of socks, apparently Apple’s coming out with socks for their iPods in November … little sockies to put on your iPods so that the screens won’t scratch, and the little things can stay warm! how cute!! not that I have an iPod or anything … but at $29 a sock, it’s probably better i don’t have an iPod. It’s just a money sink.
October 23, 2004 at 9:42 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
This past week has been pretty stressful. I was stressed about the work to be done, pulled an all-nighter, and ended up getting about 12/13 hours of sleep for the entire week. Now that I’ve had some wind-down time, I’m stressed with the anticipation of this upcoming week. I don’t think it’s going to get any better than the last week, and if anything, it will be worse.
I don’t think Ryan is helping the situation any either. I admit that I’m a little difficult to handle sometimes, and perhaps more so when I am stressed out, but he doesn’t seem to really understand what I am going through. We were going to go see I, Robot tonight, but I told him this afternoon that I couldn’t go anymore because of work. Now I’m at his place, trying to do work, but really lacking the discipline to get anywhere. I guess from his perspective, this was pretty selfish of me. At the same time, I wish that he could understand my desire to not do something that would take up 3 hours of my time that I could work. I wonder sometimes where our relationship is going; just feel torn sometimes. I suppose all relationships have that feeling every once in a while.
October 19, 2004 at 1:11 pm · Filed under life thoughts
I sometimes think that I am a very intolerable person, both of other people and by other people. Over the past year or so, I have grown to be an attention-hog. I constantly notice when I try to grab a conversation over to be about me, share MY personal experience, tell a story about ME. I almost always catch myselt, but only after the damage has already been done. In addition to the attention-hog syndrome, I have a tendency to ignore a lot of stuff when I don’t really care about them. This does not bode well for my friends, because it would seem that I only care to acknowledge their existence when I need them.
In addition to myself not being a very tolerable person to others, I have a hard time accepting others and not getting annoyed by them. I am quite prejudiced against people I have aversions to, and there are many people to whom I have aversions. I can’t see beyond the faults of others and admit to myself that someone is right, or has a good point, or is intelligently arguing something if I dislike that person. My first instinct in all of those cases is to counteract their opinion, standpoint, and fight it regardless of whether or not I am right. This makes me very stubborn and hostile. Also, little things unproportionally annoys me. I don’t have a very big heart for accommodating everyone around me and all of their quirks and faults, even though I expect others to do so for my faults. Even people whom I think highly of can with one action annoy me to no end for days.
I know all of this, but I can’t really seem to be able to change them. I try to keep down my temper and not show annoyance, but I can only do that for so long. And also ideally, I’d like to not even feel those annoyances; I wish that I could just not be bothered by the little stuff that bother me.
If I were able to change all of this about myself, I think Ryan and I would fight a lot less too.
October 9, 2004 at 1:14 am · Filed under life thoughts
Ever get the feeling that things are just unnecessarily hard? That’s how I feel most of the time these days. Sometimes, like tonight, when I get interested by some magazine that I’m reading or motivated by some people I see I say to myself, “I can be like that, too. I’m going to be like that.” But this happens rarely. Most of time, I just feel like I’m floating from day to day not really sure what I’m doing, how I should be doing it, and where to find inspiration.
So … I guess I shouldn’t say things aren’t working out, but rather that things could be better. Maybe it’s first semester blues. New place, new people, and mostly new people who are more convinced of their abilities than I could ever be. I read an article tonight about women in academia, how the major obstacles for women that steer them away from faculty positions are work-life balance and SELF-ESTEEM. There was some survey where first year MIT students were asked to rate where they thought they fit in with other first year students across the country. About 50% of the men rated themselves top 10%, whereas only about 10% women rated themselves top 10%. Maybe that’s just a fundamental problem between men and women. I already know that guys were unreasonably arrogant, I didn’t need a survey to tell me so. However, maybe that innate arrogance gets men further because they feel like they can do it, even when in actuality they can’t.
Working out or not, I cleaned my room today. It made me feel a lot better. I’m not a messy person by nature; I’m just lazy. I like having things in order, paper categorized, filed away, clothes hung, laundry basket empty … So I did all of that except the last one, and that will be the task for the rest of this long weekend: do laundry.
