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Archive for dating/relationships
May 15, 2007 at 1:28 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
One thing I like about going to the local REI is interacting with the cute nerdy guys who work there. As soon as I walk in, they come up to ask if I need help with anything, always so friendly, smiling, and so obviously in love with their sport(s) of choice. As I walk by them standing in aisles, deep in conversation with other customers, I always eavesdrop and smile to myself when I hear them so passionately explaining why welded seams are better than stitched, or why the nozzle of one floor pump is better than the other brand.
I always wonder how these cute nerdy sporty boys would be as boyfriends (I mean, they’re cute, so why not think more serious? :). They’re laid-back, outdoorsy, LOVE gear (hey, they’re selling it, and REI is that kind of a place where they hire people to sell stuff they believe in) … what’s there not to love, right?
Then I think, they probably wouldn’t ever want to put on a suit, or a tux, or go to fancy restaurants with me. That’s the problem with cute nerdy guys who work at REI. They can rattle off bike gear ratios, but they don’t know what cuff links are.
September 17, 2006 at 8:07 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
At a party last night was the first time I had seen some friends in maybe a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in a mood to put up a lot of the usual bullshit I do when I’m around them. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy spending time with everyone, but honestly when you haven’t seen someone in a couple of weeks, the first things you ask are small-talk type of questions: how is everything? how’s work? what’ve you been up to? And I think I just wasn’t in the right mood for that kind of banter.
The only conversation I had that even began to break the surface, I had to end, because I had to go find someone whom I had invited out to the party. That made me sad, because I think I actually enjoyed that conversation. It was probably my favorite part of the night. Everything else was just everybody standing around drinking and throwing jibes at each other. I’m not usually quick-witted enough to contribute anything; last night was particularly bad. I wanted to just crawl into a hole and go to sleep.
Beyond the bantering, I think I’ve also just reached the limit of shit that I can put up with. That limit is definitely different for different people with whom I interact, but certain people just really have a knack for pissing me off. If I liken my temper to a teapot of water, I feel like it’s been gradually steaming up for the past week or so, and it was pretty much on the brim of boiling Saturday night, and one thing led to another led to steam shooting out of the teapot. Change the characters/personas around me last night, and the water may have never boiled.
September 10, 2006 at 4:37 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
My friend, while talking about his girlfriend, who wouldn’t let him break up with her because “you can’t break up unless both people agree”:
him: the only other time i’ve ever heard of someone not allowing a break up was on seinfield
him: I feel immasculated, like i lost some manhood; i couldn’t even break up right
him: though i’ll be using condoms, just in case she’s gone crazy
me: was she on the pill?
him: yeah
him: it’s something 4 years ago that i would have never said
Where’s the logic? When did both people have to agree in order for a breakup to happen? Using condoms just in case the gf’s gone crazy? Where are we? In a soap opera or something full of back-stabbing, conniving, vixen girlfriends?
Absolutely hilarious.
August 18, 2006 at 2:14 pm · Filed under grad life/MIT, dating/relationships
guy: You’ve been text messaging all night.
me: yeah, I know. It’s fun.
guy: I feel like I should pull out my phone and text you
me: haha
guy: but I don’t have your number
me: …
I guess campus pubs are no different than Boston bars. And here I thought I was being extremely unattractive and making a fool of myself in the Thursday tradition, belting out karaoke at the top of my lungs despite not being able to sing to save my life.
August 16, 2006 at 2:02 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
Gosh people, simmah down, keep your pants up, take a hint, and bugger off. I’m not trying to be a flake; I don’t want to be mean, but sometimes you just don’t get it. You people stress me out. Just leave me the f- alone.
August 2, 2006 at 11:05 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
I know we are all liberated women and all, and I’m all for gender equality, but come on, don’t hand me your business card and tell me to email you. That thing’s getting dropped like a rock in a swimming pool. Get some balls and just ask me for my number already. And then actually call.
Is this the typical bitchy girl behavior that men hate? Am I making it worse for you men out there? But really, if you man up and ask me for my number, I’ll woman up and probably give it to you just because you asked. Don’t give me this shit with the business cards. I don’t care where you work; that don’t impress me much. And I sure as hell am not gonna email you just to say “hey”. You completely slammed that door in your own face as soon as you handed me that business card.
Maybe it’s an Asian men thing. I’ve never had a white guy (or guy of any other race) hand me a business card. But you Asian men, you not only carry business cards on you at all times, but you hand them out to us hoping that we will email you. Come on now, haven’t we all perpetuated the socially-awkward-and-unassertive-Asian-nerd stereotype long enough? I know you’re better than that. You should know that too.
So go on now, be a big boy, just ask me out already. You’ll get a helluva lot farther than your business card ever did, ’cause I hate to say it, but that card’s going straight in the trash.
July 17, 2006 at 4:45 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
Yup, that’s right folks, me who swore I would never do this, delved into the deep murky waters of meeting people over the internet. I was very skittsh about the whole thing, but a suicide pact is a suicide pact. I left my profile up for about a week, and here is what transpired:
Day 1
This started because a friend suggested a suicide pact: I make a profile, and he’ll make a profile. At first, I said, “no no no no.” But then I thought about it, and I really couldn’t come up with that great of a reason for why not. So I picked a rather obscure site (instead of a big names like match.com) to minimize the chances of being recognized.
I went through a couple of iterations of a profile post, finally scrounged up a paragraph or two to describe myself, and then started listing characteristics for my ideal date: age 23-30, height 5′8″ or above, race/ethnicity any, body type HAS to be slender/athletic/average. The body type one is rather shallow I know, but looks and height are important! I really can’t deal with extra weight, and really, I would have prefered 5′9″ (so I can wear my 3″ heels), but I started feeling bad for the short guys.
My friend didn’t come through on his end and chickened out of making a profile (you know who you are, but I’m not gonna name any names, even though I’m bitter). By this time, I’d already plunged in … so may as well go along for the ride.
Day 2
Within a day, I had about a dozen responses (wow, this market is much bigger than I thought). They ranged from harmless but no thanks to eh, okay to one downright rude guy who wrote something about his big white cock, and offered me pictures. Um, no thanks, and why are you paying for a subscription just to send women lewd messages? (Having a profile is free, but you have to subscribe in order to send messages to people. I didn’t subscribe.) Since I had no subscription, I couldn’t answer anybody back, which was just fine by me.
Day 4
A few guys with a helluva lot of potential have now come through my Inbox. I am very tempted to just subscribe for a month so that I can write them back. So this is how these sites lure you in. I am also getting less skittish about this whole thing, and I even think about making a match.com profile.
Day 5
I learn that you can get a free trial for a few days, so I sign up for the free trial, and start writing people back, and I wonder if is it better to write back to say “Sorry, but I’m not interested”? Or better to just not write back at all? A few messages go back and forth between me and a couple of guys, which eventually moves to actual emailing without the stupid messaging interface of the service website (yes, against all better judgment, I gave out my email address).
Day 6
In a random search, I came across a guy I know, sending panic through me as I freak out thinking “omg, now he knows I’m dating online, how am I ever going to be able to spend time with him without feeling totally awkward???”
Day 7
Since I was emailing the guys with potential anyway with no need for the actual service itself, I decide that I am done with internet dating and cancel my subscription before the free trial runs out. I also make my profile unsearchable.
So what did I learn through all of this? Not sure. Maybe it was all just a part of me always wanting to try things out at least once. I think in general, I am also MUCH less skittish about this whole concept, and I no longer really care about that guy whose profile I found. I mean, he had a profile TOO! If I’m apprehensive about him knowing I’m there looking, he’s probably just as freaked that I may have found his profile.
Would I do this again, sure … but probably not for another few years when I’m not really meeting new people anymore in my own real life, and need some external help. In the meantime, there are still those couple of potentials who’s emailing me …
July 16, 2006 at 12:58 am · Filed under dating/relationships
I am not a very forward person when it comes to feelings and relationships, and I am notoriously bad about making it known to a guy that I am interested. I think that I am fairly sensitive to picking up on a guy’s interest in myself, but I never let myself believe that sixth sense and always manage to convince myself that the extra linger of his hands when he handed me that glass of water was purely accidental, or better yet, completely imagined in my own mind.
A recent missed connection seemed like it would forever remain a missed connection because 1) the situations surrounding our meeting each other and subsequent friendship just really would not be conducive to developing something more, and 2) I felt that the connection/wish for something more really only existed on my end of things.
Given this, I never even considered making my feelings known, because there was no chance for anything to happen, and telling him I like him would just make the friendship awkward. However, due to a recent isolated incident, I got a glimpse that perhaps he too feels the connection that I’ve felt ever since we met, and that he too was trying not to entertain thoughts of “something more” because of the nature of the circumstances mentioned in problem #1.
Some further interactions later, however, I think that I was just making it all up in my head. There is no reciprocal connector on his end, and I am just another girl in his social circle. That hurts, because the spark that we did share for that short moment meant a lot to me, and I had hoped that it meant something to him too, but I really don’t think he put much thought into it.
I’m more devastated than I would be had I just continued to dismiss all thoughts of “something more”. Having allowed my feelings for him to surface for that short while, having thought there could be something more, makes it THAT MUCH harder now for me to have to go back to the state of letting the friendship be only a friendship.
June 25, 2006 at 5:34 pm · Filed under dating/relationships
June 25, 2006 at 4:08 am · Filed under dating/relationships
I think my heart is pretty hard to win over (but once it has been won over, the guy has it pretty golden because I don’t go away no matter how many dirty socks he stuffs in my face). Before it has been won over though, I am quite responsive to romance (not to say I wouldn’t be responsive to romance after being won over … but I digress).
As tough/independent/fierce as I appear sometimes, I am completely at peace with the the fact that I am a fairly typical pretty-in-pink girl, because after all, I’m just a girl. I like my flowers, fancy dinners, carefully orchestrated intricate evening outings, the typical sweep-me-off-my-feet puhzazz. In other words, I am a romantic at heart, and I like the boys who romance me.
But romance is not love. And what a funny day it was for both. I heard four, count them, FOUR, accounts of people mulling over in their minds the difference between “loving” and “being in love” with someone, and the difference between romantic love versus platonic love.
What is the difference? I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my friend(s). But when am I really “in love”? How would we know we were in love if we don’t even know what it is? How much does a romantic connection (both emotional-romantic and the princess-romance) factor into our defining the boundary between “love” and “in love”?
It is sad in a way to think that my love can be bought with flowers and chocolates and diamond rings (not really, but come on, it does play a role - 10% maybe). It makes me feel like love can be superficial, though my hope is that true love transcends the material possessions to the emotional possessions of the heart. But when does loving someone stop at a deep care, and when does it reach the 100-point hammer drop of being head-over-heels IN LOVE?
And do we ever truly find that person? And how often do we simply stop at “good enough”?
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