Conjured Activism

conquering the world one oxymoron at a time

that glitz-factor

February 6, 2006 at 3:01 pm · Filed under life thoughts

jason: you are glitz addicted
jason: you don’t need any more sexy swu
me: oh but i do
jason: you are so sexy you’ve got more men than you can beat off
jason: hmm … bad choice of words

I think I want to be a doctor, but not just any kind of doctor. I want to be the kind of doctor with the most glitz-factor … like a surgeon, or better yet, a neuro-surgeon. I am drawn to that inexplicable/intangible factor of “sexiness” in a career/job/life more than the career/job/life itself (is this a double entendre that applies to my choice of men as well?). I was at a women’s workshop last year, and someone said something along the lines of yes, we are all driven people. If we don’t happen to channel that “driven-ness” into stressing ourselves out through our research, if we instead choose to be a stay-at-home-wife/gardener/mom, we would end up channeling that “driven-ness” into stressing ourselves out striving to be the best goddamn wife/gardener/mom there ever existed.

I think that sums me up pretty well, with the addition that I would stress myself out being not just the best wife/gardener/mom, but also the one with the most glamour and glitz. I don’t want to be just any good wife. I want to be Mrs. good-wife-CEO, the one whose annual black-tie fundraiser for kids with cancer is the rave of the upper echelon. I don’t want to be just any gardener, I want to be the one pruning Asian rose bushes in Cameron Diaz’s backyard, the same species of rose bushes that no one else can get to even bud in North America. In essence, I don’t really care so much about WHAT I do, I just want that which I do to have inexplicable/intangible sexiness.

With that said, allow me to apply this to my life currently. I have no desire to stress myself out being the best researcher there ever existed. I think about the possibility of being a glitzy and glamourous principle investigator, pushing the front of the front of the hottest research field, holding a professorship at Harvard, or MIT, or wherever else sexy. And you know what? These possibilities don’t excite me at all. I just plain don’t care. I don’t care about abstract science; I don’t find protein molecules sexy (unless they are in the form of toned forearms on a guy I’m admiring). I don’t really want to talk to the other big guns–no pun intended–in systems biology or computational biology or whatever else insert-buzz-word-here-biology. Even with the glitz inherently associated with being a world-renowned scientist, I shrug my shoulders, and I say … “eh, not for me”.

So I think this is a good indication that research isn’t my thing. It’s not what I want to do. Just say no to research. Despite being a glitz-driven person, I have no desire to climb to the top of the researcher/scientist ladder, knowing full well that there is just as much glitz and glamour atop that ladder as there is anywhere else, if not more.

Okay, so what? What do I think of all of this? What does this mean?

I don’t know. This is about as far as I have thought on this matter. I guess it’s all a part of being in my 20s and figuring out what I want to do. But really, seriously, being PTA president is pretty sexy. But not just any PTA president, but the PTA president who single-handedly rallied up parents and grandparents and neighbors to mount a successful campaign to increase educational spendings at the state legislature for public high schools in rural, backward, South Carolina. In turn, SC moved up 20 spots in average SAT scores by state.

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4 Comments »

Katelyn wrote @ February 7th, 2006 at 1:54 pm

Thanks so much for the donation! I didn’t expect any poor grad students to respond, but maybe you’re not so poor at MIT.
There’s definitely nothing glitzy about being a professor. They’re underpaid (as I researched today) and don’t wear fancy clothes. Why don’t you do a MD/PhD in conjunction with Harvard? Wash U has that kind of program where you can get your MD and focus on neurosurgery and practice at a hospital associated with a med school where you can also have a lab running neuroscience research or something. My advisor has an MD and a PhD and is an ophthalmologist with polymer/biomed/chemical research. Just a thought! We know you’re capable.

Shan wrote @ February 7th, 2006 at 4:28 pm

grad students are poor everywhere, and we are especially poor in boston where the standard of living is so high. but i’ve done relay for life before, so i know it’s for a good cause, and of course i was trying to help you out … good luck with the rest of your fundraising goal

Liang wrote @ February 8th, 2006 at 1:06 am

It’s not just you who desires glitziness for your life - I expect your parents are contributing factors as well. A quote that I, as an Australian-born Chinese, relate to very well from Amy Tan’s “They Joy Luck Club” is something like: “…when I was young my parents wanted me to be a neurosurgeon by day and a concert pianist by night.” I’ve achieved neither and have no desire to (but astronaut-related research and management consulting for aerospace companies is sorta glamorous in its own little way, eh? :-)

Shan wrote @ February 8th, 2006 at 1:49 am

no, i’m pretty sure the wanting to be a neurosurgeon has nothing to do with my parents. they never ever wanted me to be a doctor (medical doc anyway), and i was the one begging them to let me take piano lessons (they refused for 2 whole years citing that i would not have the patience for it). and of course aero/astro is glitzy and glamourous. so when’s your flight to the moon, liang? :)