Last summer, I felt like I was living a movie, and rightfully so. There were ups and downs and dramas and coincidences and strange situations that could only appear all together in a movie, yet it was my life.
Today, I once again felt like I was in a movie, except where were the extraordinary events? It was such an ordinary day, yet I felt tears welling up twice, for no real apparent reason that I could verbalize. I think I just lost direction, or I never had one to begin with.
While semi-cleaning my apartment yesterday, I came across some canvases, brushes, and oils I had bought a while ago, as in about 4 years ago. That made me dig out some old old sketches I kept, and reminded me of how I wanted to go sit out in Killian Court on a sunny afternoon and just sketch out the dome. I thought about the art classes that I wanted to take, but never managed to get enough resolve to sign up for. All that was planned for last summer. I never got to those things that would make me happy, nor did I get any real work done for my research, my life right now. Every time a month passes by, I look back and wonder just how it was that I managed to accomplish nothing in the past month, yet the days just flow right past.
I wonder when I will find my direction, and more importantly, my motivation?