conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
December 28, 2006 at 1:54 am
· Filed under daily grind
I’ve been home for a few days now, and I don’t feel at home. Because of certain disagreements that will never be resolved between my parents and me, I don’t feel very comfortable being around them. I don’t want them to bring up topics that I don’t want to discuss because we fundamentally disagree, and no matter what I say, they will tell me that I’m wrong. What’s the point of having that conversation?
I feel like I’m always on edge because even when we’re just hanging out, having dinner, or when I’m on my computer, and my dad’s on his … any moment, he could start “discussing” things with me again. And I say “discussing” because that’s what they say, but really it’s let’s-talk-about-this-until-shan-changes-her-mind-to-our-way-of-thinking.
This really sucks. I’ve always been happy that I am close to my parents, that they are understanding and supportive not unreasonable. Now I just want to get out of the house. I think this is the first time I’ve been home that I haven’t been happy to be here.
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Isn’t that hard, when we have to pretend to be at ease around someone when in fact our emotions are really strained? That’s why friendship and family are two different things. Sometimes family are friends; sometimes not. We’re born into family and have no choice about who they are, but we (or rather our hearts) choose how close we are to them. In your case, *maybe* your parents are just wanting the best for you, but even then they should realize when to let go and give you your freedom.
And fortunately, sometimes friends are like family. The absolute best thing about friends is that, unlike family, we can choose them. We get to sift through all the trashy jerks in the world and pull from the muck those few people who make us feel good and treat us well.
Hope things get better for you. Next time, come crash with me in AZ! I need a travel partner to go visit San Diego with this winter. Everyone is busy. :-( I’m really good company, regardless of what our mutual friend has said about me. Haha - just kidding. :-)
Yoda wrote @ December 30th, 2006 at 12:17 am
Ugh. I have that kind of uncomfortable relationship too, not with my parents but with people I used to be close to. I’m sorry, Shan, that you’re feeling trapped. And I gotta agree with the poster before me–in the end, our family consists of the people that we’re closest to and can trust and be ourselves around.
Well, hope your new year gets better and that you have lots of happiness. I’ll see you when we’re all back :-)
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