Watch enough Chinese movies and inevitably somebody says that they have a 苦命, literally “bitter life”. It just means that their life seems harder than most; things don’t really work out the way they’re meant to, and they don’t get lucky breaks, or the lucky breaks are actually disasters further down the road. Yesterday I wondered if I’m on my path to a “bitter life.”
How melodramatic, right? Thinking that maybe I’m just not destined to have things work out. I’m losing quite a bit of motivation, about school and about relationships. I don’t want to talk to people again; small talk grates on my nerves and makes me tired. I feel like I need to do something different, do something differently … but not sure if I have the courage to do it.
I kinda want to take off a year and just do something random (Go live in China? do something Peace Corps-esque in Africa? Live at home with mom & dad and intern/volunteer as a wedding planner?). I feel like I need a break from my current life, and a couple of weeks of vacation isn’t enough to rejuvenate me.