conquering the world one oxymoron at a time
July 16, 2006 at 12:58 am
· Filed under dating/relationships
I am not a very forward person when it comes to feelings and relationships, and I am notoriously bad about making it known to a guy that I am interested. I think that I am fairly sensitive to picking up on a guy’s interest in myself, but I never let myself believe that sixth sense and always manage to convince myself that the extra linger of his hands when he handed me that glass of water was purely accidental, or better yet, completely imagined in my own mind.
A recent missed connection seemed like it would forever remain a missed connection because 1) the situations surrounding our meeting each other and subsequent friendship just really would not be conducive to developing something more, and 2) I felt that the connection/wish for something more really only existed on my end of things.
Given this, I never even considered making my feelings known, because there was no chance for anything to happen, and telling him I like him would just make the friendship awkward. However, due to a recent isolated incident, I got a glimpse that perhaps he too feels the connection that I’ve felt ever since we met, and that he too was trying not to entertain thoughts of “something more” because of the nature of the circumstances mentioned in problem #1.
Some further interactions later, however, I think that I was just making it all up in my head. There is no reciprocal connector on his end, and I am just another girl in his social circle. That hurts, because the spark that we did share for that short moment meant a lot to me, and I had hoped that it meant something to him too, but I really don’t think he put much thought into it.
I’m more devastated than I would be had I just continued to dismiss all thoughts of “something more”. Having allowed my feelings for him to surface for that short while, having thought there could be something more, makes it THAT MUCH harder now for me to have to go back to the state of letting the friendship be only a friendship.
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paula wrote @ July 16th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
okay wait - so you know he’s not interested because you stuck your neck out and said you were and he said “i’m not interested”…? or you’re inferring that he’s not interested? if you asked and he said “whatever” (or if you saw him interested in another girl) then i say: that sucks! and i’m really sorry… but if you haven’t said “dude, i like you, and i’d like to see if this friendship can be something else” then i say, you gotta lay it out for him: boys are sooooooooooooo dumb.
Katelyn wrote @ July 17th, 2006 at 9:37 am
Agreed with the boys are sooooo dumb statement. My current boyfriend was a friend first, and it took more than subtle hints and knocking him over the head to get him to realize what was going on. I finally blurted it out when I was drunk (big mistake) and he rejected the idea saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I was deeply hurt. A month later he thought better of it and was ready and we’re together.
shan wrote @ July 17th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
yeah … boys are dumb. in the end, i’m hoping that i’m not lying to myself when i say that i don’t care that much. there are plenty of other dumb boys out there for me to waste my time on.
paula: i didn’t stick out my neck. that’s my problem; i never stick out my neck. even when i kinda do by saying/doing something, i try to disguise it by playing it off and acting like it’s something i would do for any ol’ regular friend.
katelyn: boy do i know what it feels like to do something when drunk … i’m glad that it worked out for you and matt :)
“I am notoriously bad about making it known to a guy that I am interested.”
Haha!!! You and every other girl out there (except Paula and Katelyn I guess). Gimme a break - who isn’t afraid of rejection? And that goes for guys too. A female friend of mine once said, “Oh, it’s totally up to the guy to make contact first, cuz guys can just laugh off getting rejected, go out with their buddies, and have a nice beer.” WTF? Guys totally get hurt too, and girls are dumb for assuming they don’t.
The only things that matter are,
1) If you do get rejected, will you both still be able to stay friends (don’t lie to yourself about that one - if it’s too big a risk and you want the friendship…)
2) If you do get rejected, will you be able to avoid beating yourself up over it (birds are attracted to different flowers from bees - that doesn’t mean some flowers are better than others! It’s a matter of personal taste, as beauty cannot be objectively measured.)
And I share Paula’s suspicion. Never assume what somebody else feels - always lay it on the table if you want to finally draw a conclusion about it!
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