I read through my emails on my yahoo account today (which I really need to check more often) and found one from one of my best friends from high school. It wasn’t a mean email, but it just somehow didn’t really feel right. It made me feel like I’m losing her as a friend, that we’ve maybe grown too far apart in the 5 years since high school to remember/save our friendship. I know emails are weird in that the reader often reads too much into the words, or interprets meanings that aren’t there, so maybe I’m over-reacting. But at the same time, I do have to question where our friendship has gone?

There was a point when I felt like I could see her any day, any time, and no matter how long we had been apart, we’d click in no time. The first time I noticed this not really happening was over last Christmas break, when she came through Charleston. I think I was particularly awkward that day, and particularly picky about things, that everything was exacerbated and I really realized that the two of us are in completely different places now. We’re not only separated many many miles away geographically, we’re also in completely different mindsets politically, socially, and maybe even emotionally. I know these differences don’t necessarily break a friendship, but maybe the distance and the fact that I hardly see her (or even talk to her) but once a year has really taken its toll. Add that to the fact that I was having a weird day when we met up last, I don’t even know if she likes me for the person I am now.

It’s amazing what 5 years will do to someone. I know that UVA has changed me a lot, and I’m sure college has changed her as well. I really want to believe that we’re the kind of friends that we’d still see each other and would still be best friends when we’re 40, but maybe my naivete is kicking in strong again. Of course, she’s made new friends since high school, both in college and in what she’s doing now. In a way, I’m jealous of all of them. I feel like they’re diverting her attention away from me, an old friend she doesn’t see regularly, or talk to regularly, and an old friend who’s easy to say goodbye to. I can’t even say that I know what’s going on in her life right now, and she sure as well doesn’t know what’s happening to mine.

Today was a relatively happy day until I checked my email, and now today has a sad ending. I am pretty upset at the thought of having potentially lost a friend, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. I can only hope that I am over-reacting, and that she wants to maintain our friendship as much as I do.